Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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