I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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