Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
ugly people sure do ruin things
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
