Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
