M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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