Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
