I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
