we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
