This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
