it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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