your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize