we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
