how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
