She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
