Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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