well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
