He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
there is puke in my bra ... again
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
