I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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