I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
