I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
