My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
