I'm jealous of your bromance
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize