I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize