I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
