Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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