Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
