On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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