bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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