I want to walk on stilts...naked
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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