Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
