I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
