I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
