A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
