it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Ketchup is God's man juice
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
