I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
