Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
