every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
