Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
