That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
