home. puking in laundry basket.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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