I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
