the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
