my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
