i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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