I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Someone shattered a urinal.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
