if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
