I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
