i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
