Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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