Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
