I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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