okay pat passed out under dana's car
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize