tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
