i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
