I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
