Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wish I only lived at night.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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