I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
