Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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