your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
