I want to make a zoo with you.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize