Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
