Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
