somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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