matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
