I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
