: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Church boner. Awkwardddd
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
