wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize