It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
