I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
