I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
