It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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