Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
