She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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