you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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