I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
