I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
