the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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