Porn is love you can see.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
