Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
