i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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