friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Is Oprah even human
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
