Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
