Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
