Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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