Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
