i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
