1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
