how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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