I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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