Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
PANTIES FOUND
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