3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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