I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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