pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
