its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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