i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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