Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
