Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
