Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize