Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
