did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
