i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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